Gavin Harrison
Comm 341 - 02
Longform Final
What Makes You Confident?
Context & the Four Perspectives
What is confidence? A simple question with a not so simple answer. Confidence can express itself in a variety of ways from how a person acts, to how they dress, to the very position they hold in society. It can be defined as a feeling or belief that you, or someone else, can do something well or succeed at something that you set out to accomplish.
It is considered sometimes difficult to quantify as confidence can be an inherent part of who you are, what you have gained over time, or if it is like a mask that you wear and the image that you project when you are faced with a challenge. Imagine as if you are an old bitter wine in a fancy bottle with a new label, but no one knows until they open it, and take a drink which reveals the truth.
The word Confidence utilizes the Latin root word of ‘fid’ which means trust. Because of that root word confidence can also be defined as full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of oneself, a person, or thing. Confidence can be a feeling of self assurance, without being boastful or arrogant, and appreciating your own abilities or qualities. Confidence can be boastful, or a quiet inner strength and knowledge that you are capable to handle what comes your way.
In taking a closer look into the topic of confidence, there are many aspects and angles that can be explored and questioned. Where does a person’s confidence come from, how does it affect one's life and the path they are on, and does confidence evolve over time or is it just part of who you are as a person? Collecting personal insight from three different people, at three different stages of life, and answering similar questions will give insight into their viewpoints on this topic and how the lack of confidence, or confidence has played a role in their life.
Through research on key topics, and three separate interviews with subjects of varying age and stages in their careers, a cumulation of information and perspective begins to evolve with a seemingly similar theme. People overall have varying levels of confidence, but there seems to always be an element of doubt, fear and even intimidation behind even the most successful, confident, professional people. It appears that different settings, situations, or personal traits can build up an individual's confidence. But to contradict the build up, at the same time what are factors that can prohibit, diminish or even tear down an individual’s level of confidence?
My name is Gavin Harrison, and I am a junior at Longwood University working towards a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Communication Studies. I chose to discuss the idea of confidence because it has played a role in my life, as it does with so many others on a daily basis. Whether I have had it, tried to achieve it, or even tried to boost someone else’s, confidence plays a key role in how we approach the day.
When you are younger, it is getting picked to be on the team, asking a girl to dance, or interviewing for your first job. The world is filled with ‘what if’s’ and ‘should of could of’s’, but confidence seems to play the key role in helping to guide us take the leap forward in order to make things happen. On top of living and listening to your own mind and heart, with today’s society you also have to acknowledge the world of social media and the role it plays. We are often bombarded with the non-stop pulse check of how you rate to all of the other people out there.
For example, does my house look as good as my friends, am I as popular as that other person, how many likes does my posts have? These are literal confidence boosters or confidence destroyers. Depending on if you choose to allow them to be. I choose to have the confidence that I create by believing in myself, by working hard, and doing the best job I can. I try to not allow my worth to be measured by someone else’s yard stick. That is not to say that I don't often feel like my self confidence can be low, but that is not for someone else to determine.
It's a real balancing act that no matter who you are, as I discovered after conducting the three interviews that no matter where you are in life, or what your career is, confidence plays a role whether we want it to or not.
According to the research I looked into, there are basic elements that are helpful to reaching an understanding of how some key factors contribute to what is behind confidence. The Psychology of Self-Confidence and Self-Belief are two separate, but important parts of the equation. Although self-confidence and self-esteem cross paths at many points, and share some common features, they are considered two distinct entities.
Self-esteem is a fairly stable trait that doesn’t change much in an individual unless they put in some dedicated effort to improve it. It can generally be defined as our beliefs in our own inherent value, worth, and how deserving we are of love, happiness, success, and other good things in life. By contrast, self-confidence does not take into consideration any beliefs about the worthiness or overall value; rather, it focuses on the ability to succeed, and beliefs about one’s likelihood of succeeding, I think I can, versus I know I can.
The two are certainly related, but it is easy to see where the line is drawn between them; self-esteem is about the success you feel you deserve, while self-confidence is about the success you feel you are capable of achieving.
As confidence is indirectly related to self esteem. Esteem is broken down into five different categories the form of a pyramid according to Maslow’s Theory – The Hierarchy of Needs
While these needs and the concept of self-esteem are related, Maslow’s esteem needs are more focused on external measures of esteem, such as respect, status, recognition, accomplishment, and prestige, like how social media can come into play if we allow it.
There is a component of self-esteem within this level of the hierarchy, but Maslow felt that the esteem of others was more important for development and need fulfillment than self-esteem.
He explained that for one to achieve self-actualization and grow, their need for inner-respect and esteem from others must be met. Again, you have the most likes, or you were picked first for the team. For example, in the case of developing social confidence, the single greatest source of mental energy is positive interaction with others. That source of energy boosts social confidence by encouraging one’s self to think more positively.
While developing your social skills, the inherent gain of confidence also helps someone learn how to deal with failure better. As Maslow states, the “socially confident don't take rebuffs personally. They don't attribute rejection to internal causes, such as being unlikable or an inability to make friends.” The socially confident usually make rebuffs due to many factors, such as misunderstandings.
There is a deep rooted connection between confidence and an internal sense of satisfaction and pride. He also discusses how when a task or job is completed, it's not just the external rewards that hold significance. For example, when someone has worked hard for something important to come to fruition, and one succeeds in that important thing, that feeling of accomplishment and success builds one’s self-esteem and encourages a repetition of that process. Once that skill is learned, it can be used in an efficient and effective manner. In the end, you overall feel better about yourself, because you are more confident in your abilities, so you are able to tackle the next important or even minor thing that may come your way.
That positive feeling that helps build one’s self esteem, ultimately builds up confidence, the build up also gives one hope and the drive to continue to keep being successful. Failure in any task then no longer becomes an option, or less of an option. Logically speaking, when someone is confident and hopeful, that directly improves the person's ability to focus naturally and more calmly on goals or whatever may come their way. Wherever a person is in life, or what position they may hold, the continued repetition of success overtime plays a key role in that person's confidence and how they move forward through life.
As laid out in the three revealing interviews below, confidence develops in stages and due to circumstances. Through a combination of development, feedback, successes, failures, and maybe even more importantly, our fears.
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Ethan Mckinney is a junior at Longwood University and is a member of the Longwood Club Football Team recruiter. In his first year at Longwood he played quarterback, but said he “didn’t do so well’ and then ended up moving to defense, playing defensive line/the end nose guard.
Now as a recruiter for the club, Mckinney is always on the lookout for new people to try and get them to come out for the club, and be a member of the team. He works hard to get information out about the club and the team by spreading the word through social media posting updates, and information about the club on their Instagram.
But in his new position of being a recruiter, you have to have to be confident in the club you are representing, your overall social skills and social interactions with people that you don’t know, or have ever really talked to. There is a lot of responsibility with this job, because the club will either have enough players or none at all, and then they wouldn’t be able to play. But with this pressure placed upon him to be successful, and new social interactions, there is now social anxiety thrown into the mix. He now just can’t enjoy the club, he has to be the one to make sure it is successful.
I asked Mckinney if while he was growing up, as well as at this stage in his life, if he was having a hard time or struggling with social anxiety? “ I can talk to about anyone, but when I first get to know someone I’m really quiet.” Mckinney stated.
Mckinney stated that “One time my freshman year of college I was trying to talk to someone because he was on the football team and he didn't give me the time a day at all and kind of just gave me the cold shoulder.”
“So it kind of made my social anxiety act up more because from that moment. I was kind of annoyed/angry because he wouldn't even talk to me and he knew I was trying to talk to him so I just hurt my feelings and brought down my confidence,” Mckinney added.
In Mckinney’s eyes, a higher power has played a big part in his confidence. He believes God has put him on this earth to do something. Mckinney claimed, “without God, I was down bad, I was doing things I shouldn't have done. But now with him I feel more confident, I feel better about myself, I feel like I can go throughout the day without having a panic attack or anxiety attack or something like that.”
When describing confidence, the first thing that came to mind for Mckinney was a list of qualities. “You're passionate, you can go out there and know what you're doing because you put in the work. Kind of like how I know I can throw a football and know where to throw it, I’m confident I can do that!”
As a student athlete, Mckinney has to have confidence on and off the field. Off the field, if Mckinney gets into an argument with someone, and it makes him feel bad. He won't feel confident in whatever he is doing as he goes throughout his day. On the field it affects him as well. For example, if he has occasionally missed an assignment he would get yelled at by the coaches or something to that effect. “I'll get teared down a little and it will make me feel bad, but I’ll go back out there and go do it or do something new.” said Mckinney
But taking in that criticism and feedback, and how he then internalizes it, is a different story. For example, while Mckinney is playing football, and if he messes up or knows he is doing something incorrectly, he will get criticized for it. “There is good criticism and there is bad criticism. But I'm a bit of a hot head, so that's when I get mad, and I’m like, I’m done, that's a wrap,” Mckinney disclosed.
Setting one's self worth is no easy task. So where does it come from, himself or through the influence of others? When I asked him if he sets his own self worth, or if his self worth comes from others, he said, “ I think it has a little bit of both.”
For example, “if somebody comes up to you, hey, you're doing a good job, it's gonna build your confidence up, you're gonna feel good about yourself and then, but you also have to put in the work yourself. And you also have to be like, okay, you know, Ethan you can do this, Ethan you got this,” Mckinney specified.
Emotionally, Mckinney's confidence balances on the scales of making him believe he can do something, or believing that he cannot. When his confidence is low, he feels like he is in a “trap.” “To bring up my spirits I pray for whatever it may be, but if something is not meant to be, it's not meant to be and I cant keep grudging on it,” said Mckinney.
In times of stress or difficulty, Mckinney would usually find himself panicking. Even when confidence is present, he tends to overthink things which can dampen a successful outcome. In other words, he can get in his own way. He said in a situation of stress or difficulty “I'll just worry and I'll overthink a situation. And then that situation may not happen at all but I'll just keep overthinking it.”
However, when it comes to taking risks or even taking things by chance, Mckinney discussed how he has reached a point in his life where if he sees it is worth taking the risk, “if it’s gonna go wrong taking that risk, it's just gonna go wrong. But I'm still gonna try and see what happens as a result,” Mckinney said.
In contrast, I then asked Mckinney if he in turn found it easier to adapt to change overall in that he now feels more confident in taking a chance or a risk in order to see what that change holds. In a very quick response Mckinney said, “Not at all, I hate change.”
For instance, “If I'm doing something perfectly that I know how to do it, and then someone comes in and changes it, I'm not gonna want to do it, I'm gonna feel like defeated, why am I doing this again?
I then asked Mckinney a thought provoking and revealing question that I will ask throughout all of my interviews, on a scale from one to ten, how confident is he in his general life? With great vigor he said “between a nine and a ten.”
Justin Pope is the Vice President Chief of Staff (V.P.C.S) of the President Office at Longwood University. Before Pope transitioned to becoming the Vice President Chief of Staff, he was a journalist at the Associated Press (AP) in Richmond Virginia. He said it was a “very different kind of field and experience and very different environment and culture, in many ways.”
In the past, Pope has gone over higher education, but it hadn’t been an integral part of his life until he transitioned out of his former career, and into the field of education. Because of that, Pope went through a period of prep and building up his own professional confidence so that he would know “how to act, and be effective in this environment,” specified Pope.
Thanks to his previous life and career experiences, Pope was able to adapt well to these new changes in the professional environment. He said “of course being humble at first, but growing into an understanding and having faith in my intelligence and ability to figure things out.”
I asked Pope what confidence meant to him, and some of the first things that came to his mind was that confidence is a “balance.”
It's “a faith in one's ability to do something. But it always has to be rooted in reality, or it has to be rooted in an honest assessment of challenges and obstacles and limitations to work. It's not really meaningful to feel like you'll overcome them because you probably won't, right? So I think confidence is always always a balance between those things,” Pope stated.
Some of those challenges and obstacles Pope faced were when he was a journalist. When he started his career as a journalist, he was fresh out of college working for a very large news organization where the content that is released by the journalists can be seen by millions to hundreds of millions of people, Pope described it as “very intimidating.”
Every day over the first six months when Pope would get up to go to work for his new job, feeling the pressure to succeed and have the confidence to get through the day, he would ride in the elevator every morning, psyching himself up and all he could say to himself was -
“Just don’t screw up today, just don’t screw up today, just don’t make a mistake that ends your career.” - Pope
Despite Pope saying that to himself every day, he is glad he did because it made him very careful for those six months. In contrast, after those six months he said “you know what, I can't, I'm probably not going to really succeed with that kind of attitude and then kind of fear and I need to continue to be careful.”
After having that constant thought and weariness always in the back of Pope’s mind, as well as the fear of making mistakes, he reached a point where he finally felt confident enough that he didn't need to psych himself up and say that to himself in that elevator every day.
Now that Pope has taken on this high level, and respected the executive position of being the V.P.C.S. at Longwood, he also has to continue to carry on that confidence into this leadership position. Pope believes that someone entrusted with a leadership position must demonstrate a source of confidence, “but that can be abused, or overdone, if you think your confidence is simply because of your title that can be a recipe for dysfunction and danger.,” said Pope.
Pope considers that an unhealthy form of confidence. In contrast, he said a healthy form of “confidence comes from experience and comfort, and good relationships with people around you who you also have confidence in, and that's a healthy kind of confidence.”
How important is confidence related to emotion? Whether it's a lack of confidence or having confidence, it directly affects one's emotional state. But confidence can be a performance, such as someone trying to compensate for a lack of real confidence. However, Pope said, “ As long as it's genuine, you should do everything you can to put yourself in a position where you can feel it.”
Pope sets his own self worth, but he believes it's something that is developed over time, and becomes easier over time. At first, Pope said, “it can be hard when you're younger, constantly comparing yourself to other people and what they’ve achieved for the choices they’ve made.”
When Pope was a child, he had a love for sports. As a child he thought he never had any particular athletic potential, Pope always considered himself as an underdog. Now looking back as an adult, he realized he was a pretty good athlete as a kid. “If I had a little bit more confidence and a sense of what my potential was, I might have taken that further,” says Pope.
When I asked him to rate himself on a scale of confidence that is from one to ten, Pope rates himself as seven to eight. For him, it depends on the environment. But he feels as though having the gift of getting a college education, having intelligent conversations with almost anyone about anything yet still not being an expert in conversation, and “that's a great gift,” voiced Pope.
After Pope was asked whether or not criticism and feedback affects him as a person, he categorized as it affected him in both a positive way and a negative way. Pope said, “I don’t think anybody likes negative feedback, but it depends on how you deal with it.”
For instance, Pope gave the example of his daughter, who is currently his “main source” of feedback. For himself and for some people, Pope says “I think we are open to it and try to be, but I personally probably don’t put myself in a position, as much as I should, to actively solicit it or receive it.
In contrast, when someone is in an authoritative position, “you have to actively seek it out. Because it won’t naturally come to you in a way it might somewhere else,” Pope vocalized.
Pope was asked if it is hard for him to take risks? For Pope, he describes himself as a pretty cautious individual when it comes to taking risks, but he has taken risks before. Through his age and experience he believes it becomes easier. “I changed careers and moved my family from Michigan to move to Farmville, where I'd never barely ever been before, a place I had no connection with. So I think once you've made big changes and big decisions, you realize that you're still the same person.”
Joanne Moore Paek is a Mental Health Counselor at C2 Your Health, which serves as a multidisciplinary mental health clinic offering personalized care that is currently located in the Richmond, VA area. From Paek’s perspective, she thinks that confidence for a majority of people have an “internal confidence and an external confidence, and that it's not necessarily always congruent in that,” Paek stated.
“The perception that we give other people might appear a lot more confident than we actually are.” Paek goes on to saying, “there’s often like this kind of conflicting internal and external confidence.”
Between internal and external confidence, Paek believes there are times and situations where people exert more confidence and feel more confident in a situation, depending on what kind of people are around and what activity and task someone is doing.
Working successfully with people who need counseling, Paek believes that a lot of confidence comes from oneself, by believing that you have worth in this world. But it also stems from being around positive, good people, and having a healthy support system that helps you believe in yourself.
Paek is a Longwood University alumni, who majored in counselor education, and graduated with a masters in 2015. What Paek really wanted to do was to enroll in a Ph.D. Doctoral Program, but she talked herself out of it because of her lack of confidence. At the time, her thought process was, “who am I to think I could be in a Doctoral Program?”
The underlying factor was Paek’s confidence, knowing whether or not she could do it. But now that she is on the other side, she said that she “should have done that, I could have done that, but my confidence got in the way.”
According to Paek, with her personal and professional life experiences, confidence increases along with age due to just general more life experience.. Thanks to both good and bad experiences, you will feel more confident about what you're doing. Paek has worked as a counselor at C2 Your Health for four years, and through her experience, she has become a lot more confident at work more than her own “personal life.”
Paek was asked how confident she is on a scale from one to ten, she compared her work life to her personal/general life. Paek’s work life ranking an eight and a half, and her personal/general life a six.
When it comes to setting one's self worth, there is the influence of others, and setting your inner worth. As it relates to Paek, and even some of her clients, people are “often influenced from a really really young age about how we think about us, how we view ourselves, in messages that we are told as a kiddo sometimes have to be unpacked,” said Paek.
“We have to be able to provide us with a different narrative in order to get to a place of having greater confidence. Part of that comes from childhood experiences and the messages that we were fed as children, and part of that comes from like beginning order and being able to confront them and figuring out who we truly are and who we want to be.” - Paek
